


What's My Name In English?

by AwokenMonster



Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Charlie's Sick of This Shit, Humor, M/M, Morosexual, This fandom needs more Alvarillo, shameless sex, smut everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 04:04:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17542331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwokenMonster/pseuds/AwokenMonster
Summary: Based on this meme;I'm proud to identify as a morosexual. I'm attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for Tortilla was once, and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.This same idiot: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?me, already taking off my clothes: Benjamin, you're so fucking stupidorDanny's spewing stupid comments and Dylan's digging it.





	What's My Name In English?

**Author's Note:**

> Monster: Hello! It is I, Monster, to bring to you a fic of humorous sex. I seriously laughed too hard at my own jokes... I'll be back with a more regular posting schedule in February, as well as a fic where YOU choose the plot! No, not request it but it'll be a 2 chapter fic where you get to choose whether you read version 1 (chapter 1) or version 2 (chapter 2) of the same one-shot. Enjoy!

“Halloween is coming up, boys!” Jay exclaimed, throwing them the massive horror mask he just bought when entering the bus. Charlie caught it out of the air, put his hand in the mask to look at it properly. He turned the face to him. “Nice.”

Next to him, Danny was typing away on his phone, probably sending a text message out there when he smirked. “Wouldn’t it be fucking awesome if Halloween were on Friday the 13th this year?”

Dylan’s eyes shot up to stare at Danny in disbelief but the singer only typed away happily, chewing on a bit of chewing gum in disinterest. The Mexican locked eyes with Johnny whose expression was almost identical. “Did he just..?”

“Yeah.”

Danny looked up. “what?”

“You do know Halloween’s on the 31st of October, right?”

“Yeah?” the singer asked, eyebrows furrowed together in annoyance. “Obviously.”

“Then how the fuck would it be on Friday the 13th if it’s always the 31st?” Dylan asked and Danny broke out in laughter at his own comment. “Oh my God, that was so dumb.”

Charlie glanced at Funny who kept his eyes on Danny, gaze unwavering. He bit his lip and the bandana rapper shook his head. He’d seen that look on his face before. Funny didn’t like smart asses. He always thought smart people had to point out how fucking smart they were. Like Johnny, the dude prances around with his knowledge but Funny? Nah, he liked his men stupid, especially a hot mess like Danny. Charlie sighed audibly and handed the mask back to Jay who reluctantly took it into his hands after the strange exchange with Danny. Thank God, only one stupid remark came from Danny to get Dylan interested, right? Right?

 

No.

 

Only about an hour later, when they were all hanging out in the back of the bus did Danny look up from his phone screen again. “A friend of mine’s wife just gave birth to twins!”

“Whoa, congrats. Do we know him?”

“No, it’s a dude from the music academy. Man, must’ve been hard to get twins”, the singer muttered with a sigh.

“Yeah, it has to run in the family to enhance the chance of getting twins. It’s so rare”, Charlie commented but Danny stared back at him blankly. “How does ‘running in the family’ enhance that chance? You just have to have sex twice in a row.”

“No, Danny, that’s not how that works”, Dylan laughed, a nervous edge to his voice and Charlie knew exactly why. The thoughts running through his head involved more than an innocent peck with Danny. Fucking hell, the stupidity of that man today was slowly making him uncomfortable.

“What’s with the brain farting today, Danny?” Johnny asked but the singer shrugged. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The bus came to abrupt halt, making Johnny, in his standing position, stumble forward. They laughed at the embarrassing yelp he released on their way to the front door and hopped off the steps. They had arrived at the hotel. The crew helped them to their bags and walked them inside. After a small wait, they received the keys to their rooms and walked over the elevator, bags hauled over their shoulder. Once the doors closed, Danny looked back. “What floor?”

“Second.”

He pressed the second floor and scoffed. “Why the fuck does an elevator have a button for the floor you’re already on?”

Dylan wrapped an arm around Danny’s shoulders from behind, face pressed into the back of his neck. “God, you’re stupid.”

The singer hummed in response, a little frustrated at everyone’s reaction whenever he’d say something. Funny was giving him a nice hug from behind though, very strong grip. When they reached the second floor, Johnny looked up and held out the keys. “Who’s going with who?”

“I’m going with Danny”, Funny called out, grabbed a key of his hand to open the door of the hotel room and shoved Danny inside, only to close the door behind them. Charlie sighed. “Well, at least he managed to stay away from Danny in public.”

The others gazed at him in confusion but the bandana rapper only shook his head. “You don’t wanna know.”

Inside the room the singer chuckled at the random behaviour but didn’t quite mind. He looked around. “Whoa, this room’s pretty.”

The room was decorated to look worldly with a giant world map above the headboard. Danny stared at it, propping himself up on his knees to look at the map. “Do you ever notice how England’s never on the world map? Like. Where is it?”

When no answer came, he looked behind him to find Funny taking off his shirt. “Whoa, what are you doing?”

“Danny, you’re a fucking idiot. I’m so gonna fuck you.”

The brunette raised his eyebrows in surprise. “W-what? Why?”

“Come here, fucking moron”, Dylan called out. He hooked his arm behind Danny’s knees and pulled to tip him over onto his back. The singer landed on his back into the pillows with a blush on his face and a nervous smile. “But-…”

“Just agree to it. Give me a minute”, Funny got up and headed into the bathroom, looking for some lube. When he returned, he found Danny staring at the world map upside down. “I wonder what my name would be in other languages.”

“Danny?”

“Yeah. I wonder what Danny means in England. Like in English, not in American.”

Dylan covered his face with his hands. “God, just shut up already, you fucking asshole.”

He pulled on Danny’s leg to lay him down flat and tugged on his shirt. The singer arched his back so Funny could take it off and throw it somewhere in the room. He licked up his stomach. The singer hummed, eyes fluttering closed. “I never thought you and I would-…”

“Shut up”, Dylan growled, settling between his legs and hoovering over him to kiss his neck and smash their lips together to keep any comments from coming out. He already wanted to fucking tear Danny apart and fuck him until he’d scream so he didn’t need any more motivation. He nearly ripped Danny’s belt to shreds to take it off and threw it after the shirt. The singer wrapped his arms around Dylan’s neck when he ground down and into Danny who was getting hard faster than you could pronounce “morosexual”.

Dylan palmed his dick through his jeans and licked down his neck in nips and kisses. Danny tugged at his shirt and yanked over his head, eyes darker than Dylan had seen them before. He was pretty sure the singer wouldn’t have anything stupid to say anymore. He unzipped Danny’s jeans and pulled it down over his ass to jerk him off through his boxers. The singer moaned and bit his lip. “Mmh, that’s nice.”

The Mexican scooted back, hooked his fingers into Danny’s boxers and helped them off while licking alongside the length of his hard cock. He looked up at the singer and spotted him, grabbing a handful of sheets. “Ohh, do that again”, he moaned, biting on his fist.

Dylan wrapped his fingers around the base and kept it steady to swallow the length in one go. He hollowed his cheeks on his way back up and grinned at the singer whose eyes rolled back in pleasure. Funny licked the excess saliva off the head and jerked him off roughly. “Fucking hot idiot, aren’t you?”

“Mmh yeah.”

“Tell me.”

“What?” Danny groaned, hips bucking off the mattress with every stroke, panting softly. He was getting off way too quick like this but Dylan wasn’t gonna let him. He let go and licked his lips. “Tell me you’re an idiot.”

“I’m an idiot?” the singer asked. He arched his back, not finding any friction. Dylan palmed his cock, barely sensibly but Danny noticed and hummed. “I’m anything you want me to be.”

“No no”, Dylan cooed. “You’re a fucking dumbass. You’re a moron. And it’s fucking hot.”

Danny bit his lip. “I’m a moron.”

“Good. You want me to fuck you, my little idiot?”

“Fuck yeah”, the brunette replied, voice raw and thick. “I want you to fuck me so nicely.”

“Nicely? Do you deserve to be fucked nicely after making those stupid comments? I don’t think so”, Dylan muttered. He squirted some lube onto his fingers and slid it down to his opening. “I’ll make you call out MY name in English.”

He met some resistance, sliding the first finger in but the singer had _some_ experience so it didn’t take long for him to adjust to one and later two. Dylan fingered him teasingly slow, opening him up good judging from the moans he got in return. “Please just fuck me already.”

“Well if you ask so nicely”, Dylan taunted. He unzipped his pants and slid them down with his boxers. “Wait, fuck. I don’t have any condoms.”

Danny made a face. “Silly, I can’t get pregnant so why would we need any?”

“For STDs?”

“What do finals have to do with anything?”

The Mexican chuckled, lining himself up with him. “Fucking idiot!”

He leaned down to kiss the singer whose eyebrows were furrowed by the insult but it melted when Dylan pushed his hips closer until he entered him painfully slow. “Unhh Funny!”

The other groaned, keeping himself steady before he pulled out and thrust in harder. Danny tensed, wrapped his arms around Dylan tightly, nails digging into his skin with every thrust. “Mmh harder, yeah-oh-…”

“Fucking idiot, I will make you come all over yourself”, Dylan panted. The singer let his head fall back. “Please fucking do. Fuck me-unnh oh~”

He gasped, feeling the semi-pleasurable feeling shift into hard waves rippling through his abdomen. “I think you fucking found the spot. The-oh my fuck- prosthetic.”

Dylan bit Danny’s shoulder and felt his orgasm near, riding harder, quicker and breath increasing. He grabbed the singer’s dick and jerked him off with his thrusts, still slamming his sweet spot hard until they both came, breath hitching and quiet for just a second. Until Danny fell back on the pillow breathless and Funny hoovered over him, still panting. “What the fuck, Danny. Don’t hit me with stupid shit like that!”

The singer snickered. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! But hey, it was good, wasn’t it?”

“Fuck yeah”, Funny muttered, kissing his forehead before he got off. “We should shower.”

“We should”, Danny smiled.

 

***

 

 “I get that but did you have to bang the headboard against the wall while fucking? Johnny and I are fucking traumatized, dude”, Charlie complained.

Funny Man chuckled. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about that shit. It’s so weird Danny actually went along with this stuff. I mean. I called him an idiot the whole time.”

The bandana rapper shook his head and shrugged. “Boy’s stupid. You gonna bang him again?”

The Mexican hummed. “Maybe. Danny’s cute. I’d probably even date him so we’ll see.”

“That’s cute. I bet one day there will be kids asking how their daddies met and you’ll be like ‘we banged cause your dad was a moron’”, Johnny jumped in.

The three laughed when Jay and Danny joined them. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing important, really. You guys wanna go?” Funny asked, bags in hand as they were waiting for the elevator.

The elevator pinged and the doors slid open. The five of them tried to fit into it but it was pretty obvious it wasn’t gonna work out. Jay made a face. “I don’t think we’ll all fit in with our bags, guys. We’ll have to go in two times.”

Johnny, Jay and Funny stepped into the elevator and waved at Charlie and Danny as the doors closed. It took Charlie two seconds to clear his throat before he looked up at the singer. “You’re welcome.”

Danny smirked. “I have nooo idea what you’re talking about. I’m a moron, remember?”

“God, I wish I never told you he was a morosexual. You sure abused that intel”, Charlie groaned.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel.
> 
> I was inspired by a Brallon fic to write this, not gonna lie. Posted it as a fic of its own because I wanted the title to get some credit and not get lost in a list of titles. I'm petty like that.


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